Remembering...

One month ago today, I lost one of the people closest to me. My beloved maternal grandma passed away on December 3rd. She had been having a few health issues lately and had been in a nursing home since early Fall, but the news still hit me like a ton of bricks. She's not the first grandparent of mine to pass away (I have only one grandma left), but it's news that's never easy to take. With the passing of Grandpa E. and Grandpa W., and then just now with Grandma W., I can vividly remember all details of how I learned the news. Where I was standing, how the words were conveyed to me by my Mom, how I crumpled into tears each time. I was lucky enough to spend a little time with her before Thanksgiving, and I look back and am so grateful for that last moment to say hello to her, to hold her hand, to see her smirk and to let her know I loved her with my (now last) goodbye.

I've been dealing with thoughts about "why her? why our family? why now?" And I feel incredibly selfish to think these things because some people don't live 79 days or weeks or months, let alone 79 years. But I think it's only human nature (right?) to feel this during a loss. I tear up thinking that I'll never get to eat her cooking again, never hear her trademark laugh or see her beautiful smile, never get to ask her questions about her childhood (something that's recently fascinated me), never see her wearing one of her signature sweatshirt jackets, never watch her fill her giant brandy snifter full of Oreos to take to a family reunion (it was her signature "dish"). However, knowing that she's back with Grandpa now, as she's wanted to be ever since he passed, does bring some peace. Some of us in the family even joked that they were probably up in heaven bickering with each other like they always used to!

Writing about this has been incredibly cathartic. One of the other things that has been helpful during the grieving process have been the photographs discovered while gathering things for the wake and during the general cleaning process. Most of the pictures I saw in photo albums were ones that I never even knew existed. I found myself drawn to the ones of Grandma (and Grandpa) in their youth. I've, obviously, only known them as grandparents, but it was so wonderful to see them in the height of their youth. I obsessively poured over the albums and selected a handful to scan and save for remembrance. Here are a few of my favorites:

Grandma and 3 of her siblings. She's the adorable blond with curls on the left.

Grandma, the basketball star. Never knew about this talent. I also see so much of my Mom in this picture.

Grandma in 1950, at the age of 18.

Beautiful headshot of Grandma. I love her umbrella shirt.

Grandpa and Grandma on their wedding day. They got married on a Tuesday at 8:00 in the morning. Apparently that was how it was done back in the day.

Formal bridal shot. So beautiful.

In her element at the flower shop she owned with one of her sisters.

More recent picture of Grandma rockin' her ultimate signature sweatshirt jacket - the piano/music one!

Bonus pic: Grandpa and some of his Army buddies. I don't know if this was on his base in the US or over in Korea.

I love you, Grandma. I'll miss you forever...and I'm eating an Oreo for you! :)

P.S. During the photo browsing, I found some gems of me. Those will be shared at another time!